The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist……

The Psychiatrist and the Proctologist

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist. They put up a sign reading:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones:

Hysterias and Posteriors.

The town council was livid and insisted they change it. The docs changed it to read:

Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.

This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read:

Catatonics and High Colonics

No go. Next they tried:

Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives

Thumbs down again. Then came:

Minds and Behinds

Still no good. Another attempt resulted in:

Lost Souls and Butt Holes

Unacceptable again! So they tried:

Nuts and Butts

No way.

Freaks and Cheeks

Still no good.

Loons and Moons

Forget it. Almost at their wit’s end, the docs finally came up with:

Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones – Specializing in Odds and Ends.

Everybody loved it.

The White House

One sunny day in January, 2013 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he’d been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”

The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here.”

The old man said, “Okay”, and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”

The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here.”

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”

The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Obama. I’ve told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you understand?”

The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.”

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow, Sir.”

Oldie

Be careful if you go to the Fair!

Bill and his wife Blanche go to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

” Blanche, I’d like to ride in that helicopter ”

Blanche always replied,

” I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! ”

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

” Blanche, I’m 85 years old.

If I don’t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance ”

To this, Blanche replied,

” Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks ”

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

” Folks I’ll make you a deal. I’ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don’t say a word I won’t charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it’s fifty dollars. ”

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word…

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

“By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn’t.

I’m impressed!”

Bill replied,


” Well, to tell you the truth

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!”