Lazy old man

Since many of you my distribution list are old geezers (or hope to be) I want to share a labor saving device with you that may be beneficial- especially during leaf season. Here in Powhatan VA we can do with our leaves whatever we like, let lay, compost, burn, haul away, or blow into the woods or neighbor’s yard. I opt to blow into the woods on my own property. To do that I have a “Blower Buggy” attached to my mower. If I turn on the mower’s cutting blades and the blower at the same time I get the grass cut and the leaves blown in two directions- mower to the right and blower to the left. Half the work for twice the results.

Attached below is the setup and a before and after shot of part of the front lawn.

Breakfast at a Truck Stop… a really good one

For those who travel, often the best food is a truck stop. I wonder what the waitress would have to say if someone actually ordered their breakfast as this guy did?

A trucker came into a Truck Stop Cafe’ and placed his order. He said , “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.”

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”

‘No,’ the cook said. ‘Three flat tires… mean three pancakes; a pair of headlights… is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards… are 2 slices of crisp bacon.

‘Oh… OK!’ said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, ‘What are the beans for, Blondie?’

(I love this one…! )

She replied, ‘I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!


Astute Observations

Nothing to add to this!

Astute Observations

There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and dipshit’s.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.

I live in my own little world, but it’s OK. Everyone knows me here.

I saw a very large woman wearing a sweatshirt with “Guess” on it. I said “Left Tackle?”

I don’t do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

I don’t like political jokes. I’ve seen too many get elected.

The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Mary’s.

Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.

No one ever says, “It’s only a game!” when their team’s winning.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

Isn’t having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

Marriage changes passion . . . suddenly you’re in bed with a relative.

Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?

Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t need the freakin’ class!

Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn’t you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why is it that our children can’t read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?